a grand adventure: "hello love, hello looove" - pregnancy round 2 and life in general

Hello blog world.

Here I sit nearing 12 weeks of pregnancy and I can't believe I am already this far along. I am nearing the end of my first trimester and soon will be in to my second (14 weeks). For those who don't know, pregnancy is divided in to three "trimesters" each about three months long.

This pregnancy has been very different than Kate's, but also similar if that makes any sense? My brain doesn't work like it used to and I have forgotten a lot of what happened my first time around. Thankfully I kept a journal and also wrote blogs to help me look back and be able to compare. I want to try do the same this time but mentally this pregnancy has been so different than Kate's, making me forget to document a lot of all the changes and updates.

I am not sure if it's because this is my second, or because I am in a healthier place mentally than I was with Kate, but I haven't been nearly as scared or confused or even as emotional this time. The days just blend together and I am quickly becoming farther and farther along. With Kate I took a picture every week documenting my belly. This time I have so far only taken a few. I have only cried a few times (with Kate is was nearly every day) and I don't feel nearly as terrified as last time for birth and taking care of a newborn. Which is weird because you'd think I'd be more scared knowing what I am getting in to *laughs*. But I guess I also know I can do it and survived last time with the help of God and my family so why couldn't I again?

With Kate I struggled with extreme post partum depression/anxiety which I didn't expect and also made me afraid to have another baby. I am praying so hard this time isn't like that because that is the scariest thing I have ever experienced. Thankfully so far I am doing much better emotionally and I pray it stays this way even after birth.

We plan to use the same midwives we did with Kate and do another home water birth(Lord willing!). My prayer is that this time around goes just as smooth and safe. I absolutely loved Kate's birth. (That doesn't mean it wasn't hard or didn't hurt though *laughs*) One time I was talking to someone about how it hurt etc. and they said "but I thought you said you loved it?" which made me chuckle. It's hard to explain but yes you can love your birth even with the memory of all the pain.

Around 6 weeks I started to get quite sick this time (and reading back in my old posts I realize I started feeling sick with Kate at 5.5 weeks when in my memory I was farther along) and it was rough. We had bought tickets to fly to NH the DAY before finding out I was pregnant (3 weeks and 6 days along) so I did panic a little at the thought of flying while first pregnant and visiting out there for two weeks before having to fly home again.

I was so nervous. I had headaches and was so nauseated I couldn't move. My mom found some acupuncture bands online that are suppose to help with nausea and I literally ordered them on the sport and paid extra (which I never do) to have them arrive the next day. They aren't a cure for nausea by any means but they helped and for that I am so thankful. They made me be able to function fairly well, I was able to start eating and drinking water again, and I could even visit people quite comfortably. I certainly felt sick still and wanted to gag at any moment but hey, I could move.

New Hampshire went well. It was a slow paced trip just filled with seeing family, eating (more like nibbling for me) and taking naps. Although I felt sick I am so thankful we were able to make it and Josiah could see his family for the first time in over a year. Everyone got to see Kate (18 months) for the first time since she was 4 months old. Sadly she never did warm up to her Grandma and Grandpa E. Actually, the only person she warmed up to was her Auntie (and mine) Mary. Maybe because Auntie M had a baby (snuggly Reagan CarolAnn!) so she felt safe, or maybe just because she's sweet *wink*.

Still, it was nice seeing everyone get to watch her run around and being her (mostly) goofy self.

She got to see her Great-Grandpa and Grandma Stenersen and even met her one living great-great Grandma MaryAnn! That was neat. Kate was cranky (and I felt like throwing up) but we were able to snap a quick picture of us with her.

Kate did quite well on all the flights and all in all it was a blessed trip.

I will admit though, I was so ready to come home. I wanted to be able to be sick in my own bed *laughs* and because we barely found out I was pregnant before we left I felt very unprepared.

Coming home I started to improve a little. At 10 weeks I felt great! But when week 11 came along I felt pretty sick again. Still do though I am so thankful I'm not worse. The worst part is the headaches and the fact that I am never full because if I eat too much I make myself sick. But if I don't eat I feel sick. So it has to be the perfect amount. Isn't that great? *laughs*

The weather has been lovely lately. Hot and sunshine. I am loving it. Except for the fact I have to wear shorts *laughs* I hate those things. Our landlords have been away actually most of the time since we got back from New Hampshire and even though I don't care when they're home, I have to say I enjoyed having the property to ourselves. I felt comfortable to just roam all over with Kate (even though I know they don't care if we do that even when they're home) and just spend more time in the outdoors. Yesterday we spent the morning outside (me, Josiah, and Kate) cleaning the car and truck inside and out, mowing the lawn, etc. Gave me a taste of what it would be like to have our own home. *sigh* I can't wait for that day. A big yard. Room for a swing set. Sandbox. A place for Kate to learn how to ride a bike. A little pool. A grill for family barbeques. Just a home where we can spend hours as a little family. Someday, right?

But all in all I love where we live. It's homey. Its comfortable. It's our little haven. A place we can come to and relax and make memories. I have been so happy here and it's my favorite place we have ever lived. It's only one bedroom and soon there will be four of us in there but where there's love there's room right? I know someday I'll look back and miss these days. I am loving my life and just enjoying being a wife to my absolute best friend and mama to my baby(ies).