life as a mama to be // moving and pregnancy

Hey. Hi. Hello.

Did you miss me? It's been quite some time since I last wrote a blog entry and a lot has changed.

Today I am 17 weeks pregnant or almost 4 months along. Whichever way you would like to say it.
I can't believe how quickly the time has just flown by. I am itching closer and closer to half way through my pregnancy and it is a bittersweet feeling for sure. I am looking forward to being on the other side of this and having a sweet babe in my arms, yet I don't feel ready in the slightest and wish perhaps the days would slow down just a tiny bit.

So far I have been extremely blessed in my pregnancy with no major problems or sickness. In fact, I never even threw up *yet*. We found out I was pregnant when I was 4 weeks and 5 days along. By 5-5 and a half weeks I really started to feel the morning sickness coming on. Like I said, I never threw up, but I sure felt like it. I remember curling up in a ball on the couch and feeling a slight wave of panic. How would I ever make it for weeks, maybe even months, feeling like this? My gag reflexes were high and no matter what I did I always had that feeling in my throat. I hated eating, but knew I had to, and nibbled on a lot of soda crackers and peanut butter toast.

I tired very easily and wanted to sleep all the time. I've never been one who takes naps but I couldn't make it through the day without one. I even would dream during these naps! Which I have never done before. Such crazy random dreams at that.

At 9 weeks and 3 days we had an ultrasound and seen the baby for the first time. It was so surreal and amazing to see that tiny little body wiggling on the screen, all the while not actually being able to feel them.

Week 11 came in like a lion. Man was I hit hard. I became extremely nauseated on top of having horrible headaches. Josiah was my pillar through that time. I laid on the couch for days straight while he got me food, Gatorade, made himself meals, and brought me pregnancy candies to suck on throughout the day. He's been so amazing through all this time.

 12 weeks the sickness began to ease, though I still struggled with occasional headaches. I had energy for the very first time since finding out I was pregnant and it felt so good to be mobile again and actually be able to enjoy food. Oh I remember when I thought I would never enjoy food again. 

Around 13 weeks we felt the uterus for the first time. That hard ball in the stomach that actually makes you realize there really is a baby growing in there. It was such an exciting moment.

During this time we made the huge decision to move back west and to the home of my heart. That week was so hard emotionally. Praying, crying, deciding this was what we would do, and then having to inform Josiah's family about it. Once it was out in the open though, Josiah was able to relax a lot more and in turn so was I.

 
Since March 16th, the day we took that pregnancy test, life has been nothing but change. So many new doors to open and so many to walk through. My body is on over drive, changing and growing a little human. My emotions have been wild and I have had some extremely hard days. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for this baby and so excited for this new adventure we're on, but it has been hard. Hard physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.

I had one extremely hard day not that long ago. I'm not sure if it was from hormones, the stress of packing and moving across country, or a mixture of both but it was rough. I have never cried so hard and so long in my life. I spent the entire day in tears before crashing and sleeping the entire day away. I felt so afraid, scared, alone, confused, and mentally exhausted.
My biggest struggle, the dumbest struggle you can ever have, has been my confidence. My changing body has been hard to accept and hard to feel comfortable in. I remember hearing other woman say they felt fat and ugly and not knowing why. They were growing a baby and a baby bump is the cutest thing ever. Now that I am in the middle of it I get what they're saying. It's hard. Nothing fits and I can't find anything that makes me feel feminine and pretty. Every time I have to dress up and look decent, like family nights or church, I cry. Cry as I try one piece of clothing on after another until I feel so disgusted with myself I am ready to crawl back in to bed. Being in the middle of moving we haven't had the time or money to find me clothing I am comfortable in. But, yesterday Josiah said we could go find a few things and I did get a couple pieces which I am so happy with. Two outfits (one top and two bottoms) that are comfortable for the road trip back home, and one soft dress for church. Not much but I am thankful.

As I said above, we plan to drive across country with a trailer full of our stuff. In fact we leave in two weeks. The days have been going by so fast. My parents fly out here on June 19th and will drive back with us. I am excited for the adventure and nervous for all the changes we will have to be making. At first we will be living with my family as Josiah adjusts to his new job and we can hopefully save up some money. Our goal is to start looking for our own place after a month. Please pray we can find something decent and cheap.

I am sure this is all rambled and jumbled but it's a little bit of an update at least. I'm sorry if you got confused through any of this!

I am feeling so much better these days and my appetite has exploded. I want food and nothing but food. Chocolate chip cookies, salad, and TacoBell have been my top cravings. I had my first TacoBell meal in two years yesterday. It was so good.

My diet has been thrown out the windows these days. I am so busy, in my mind if nothing else, that I have no desire to eat healthy. If I want it, I want it. Which also has plagued me with guilt. I'm working on all that though!

Mothers Day 2019

 So life has just been crazy. Packing, planning, praying, cleaning, I deep cleaned for my aunt and still weekly clean for my Grandma, and growing a baby. My belly is slowly beginning to show though some days I feel it hardly does at all. My clothes are tighter though so that must mean something!

Here is a random photo dump of what we've been up to.

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Josiah's family camps down at Cape Cod a few times a year and we decided to make the three hour drive the Saturday before Memorial Day. It was a long day but very nice change of pace! Last time we went we were barely dating.

Seashell Roads

My childhood favorite. Cotton Candy Ice Cream.

To many hamburgers?

We joined everyone for supper at a seafood restaurant.

The Atlantic Ocean. My second time ever seeing it. It was so cold but pretty and a much better experience than my first.

On the next Sunday we went for a walk in a local town.

15 weeks and Memorial Day

Memorial Day Parade

BBQ at my Grandparents

16 weeks

Sending selfies to my brother while at family night.

Uncle Josiah serving up some ice cream cones. Isn't he the best?

One evening a couple days ago, Josiah decided to take me mini golfing after supper. It was hot in our apartment, I do NOT like New England summers, and I was having a "I'm so ugly" day that I was extremely crabby. This did the trick.

 

 This past Saturday we spent ALL day on the go. Running errands, organizing, and packing. We were exhausted in the end.

Yesterday I felt two little thumps inside me. Baby moving around? I am not completely sure but it's very likely and it's oh so exciting.

Well, there you are. A very random, jumbled mess of what life has been like for me these past eight weeks. I hope you managed to follow along at least a little bit!

May God Bless you all.

with love,
Mama and Baby Bee