the things that make me different

Each person is different. Each has their own likes and dislikes. Convictions and dreams. Hopes and wishes. Each wants, laughs, and cries. Each are the same and yet each are unique.

I started this blog going on four years ago under another name. My blog's as well as my own.
I have grown and changed a lot since that first entry.

My dreams have grown. Some have come true. Some have changed.

I started this blog to open up. Share and feel. Perhaps it was a type of therapy for me. At the time I was a very lonely and searching (almost) nineteen year old. In some ways I still feel like that young girl while in other ways I feel ages older.

 I lived in five different homes since the start of this place. Three with my parents and siblings, two with my husband.
I've moved 3,000 miles away from the place I grew up. I left my loved ones behind and began a new life with my best friend. It's been an amazing, scary, exciting, exhausting and crazy ride.

I've learned to grieve. To cry. To allow my feelings to be felt.

Whenever I look back through the years, I feel as though I have lived several lifetimes. I have learned many lessons. Grieved lost loved ones. Lost homes.
Ached for the future and cried for the past.

Each person has their own struggles. Something inside and personal that no one can see or completely understand. But that doesn't make you strange. That makes you just simply that. You.

We're all beautifully unique in our own way. No one is better or worse.

Embrace who you are. Exactly the way God created you to be. 

I have been struggling. Wanting to be exactly like every one else. I want to fit in. Act the way they do. Look like them. I want to be liked so badly that I think I have to fix who I am. But you know what? I can't. 

I am me. I can't, and shouldn't, change that. God made me this way, and He loves me. I'm not perfect. I fail and stumble but that's okay. No one is perfect. 

As long as we remember one thing, we will be alright. 

I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior

- John Newton in the film "Amazing Grace"

Jesus loves me, this I know. He always has and He always will. I don't have to change who I am and try to be like someone else. He created me to be me. That's who I should be.That's who you should be.

My name is Felicity Marie.
- My name means happy or happiness.
- I am twenty-two years old. 
- I stand at 5'3 1/2 inches tall. 
- I have dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.
- I love Winnie-the-Pooh.
- I am the eldest of five children with three sisters and one brother. 
- I come from a very large family with hundreds of cousins (counting 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc)
- I married my best friend, Josiah, at the age of 21.  He was 23.
- We have been married for eight months. 
- I grew up in the Pacific Northwest but moved to my husband's birth place in New England.
- I dream of moving back home someday.

- I am weird
Now, that's a weird thing to say isn't it? But, alas, it is true. When I am behind closed doors, and no one scary can see, I am extremely odd. I dance jigs and make faces and sing along to old country songs. I make "un-lady like noises" and annoy people by sitting on their heads and poking them in the face. I like to laugh and smile and make people do the same.
I asked Josiah what kind of personality I am to which he said

"You're reserved and quiet in public but extremely goofy when you're at home. 

And when you're with your family you like to sit on peoples heads and fart."

Thank you hubby, the world needed to know that. *face plam*

- I hate and love clothes 
How is that possible? Oh believe me, it's possible. I love fashion. Browsing clothing stores online and dreaming of having enough money some day to purchase them. B U T, I also hate clothes. I am extremely, e x t r e m e l y  picky when it comes to the type of clothes I'll wear. Comfort is my number one thing. If I can't curl up and sleep in what I'm wearing, I nearly have a panic attack. I have literally cried my eyes out because I felt there had to be something wrong with me. Why can't I put on a pair of jeans and confidently walk out the door like everyone else? Why must everything be soft and loose?
For one thing, my legs physically hurt after wearing jeans. I am not sure if it' because I don't know how to buy the right size or what but they literally become inflamed and hot to the touch after a day of wearing them. (another thing. I have what I believe is poor circulation in my legs and live in almost constant pain from it) I think I really need to try finding a soft loose fitted jean. But, alas, you need money for that. Have you seen the prices of good quality jeans? *shocked face* Who has that kind of money laying around?
I am 5'3 1/2, 112 pounds, with a long torso and short legs. I like feminine, soft, and comfortable clothing. If any one has any suggestions on styles, stores, etc, please let me know! I am at such a loss.
That is why I wear my husbands T-shirts six days out of the week.

I am socially awkward. 
Believe me, I am. Even with old friends whom I hold so dear to my heart. If I find out I will be seeing them soon, I have a slight panic attack. I want to see them. But I equally want to hide in the corner of my bedroom and never come out.
I always enjoy it so much afterwards, but before I wouldn't mind at all if the meeting was canceled. 
I ache for companionship yet I am terrified of it.
I have my friends. My siblings, aunts, and cousins. They know me. Inside and out. Understand me. Love me.
I have a very hard time with the idea of making new friends. I can't imagine being myself with someone new. What would they think of me?
To those who can go out, visit new people, make new friends, I applaud you.
I haven't learned how to do it.
That isn't me. I'm not a social butterfly. I love who is in my life. I don't want anyone new.

I love family history.
How many of you have traced your ancestors generations back? Learning who you are and where you came from? Well, I have. It's something I am so fascinated by! My family tree is very large and comes from all corners of the world. My ancestors were Finnish, Swedish, Norwegian, German, Dutch, English, Irish, Scottish, and Native American Crow.
They came from all walks of life. Quakers, pioneers, Indian fighters, cowboys, governors, royalty, farmers and of course American Immigrants.
Together with my aunts we traced one side of our family to Royal England and even Jamestown.
When I married I decided to try researching my husbands family history. No offense, but it was rather boring. From what I can tell he is completely Finnish and his family actually hasn't been America that long.

I am a neat freak.
I admit it. I have a slight problem. But, believe me, I am so much better than I used to be! I love cleaning and organizing and making the house smell of cleaning products.
I know I go a little over board when everything like magnets on the fridge or stools against the table have to be perfectly straight.

Davy Crockett, Laura Ingalls Wilder, and Louis L'Amour for life.
These three people mean so much to me and really helped mold me to the person I am. If you have been following along on this blog for awhile, these three names should not be new to you. I have mentioned and quoted them many times.
Davy was my first crush. My first hero. He was tall, brave, and wise. He wore buckskins, a coon skin cap, and carried ole Betsy, his rifle. Next to "Jesus Loves Me" I have a feeling "The Ballad of Davy Crockett" was one of the very first songs I learned to sing.

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee, greenest state in the land of the free.

Raised in the woods so he knew every tree.

Kilt him bar when he was only three.

Davy, Davy Crockett, the buckskin pioneer. 

Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the wild frontier.  

Whenever I am lonely, I can just pop Davy into the DVD player and closing my eyes, I'm a little girl again.

Laura. What can I say about Laura? She has been in my life longer than I can remember.
As a little girl, my Mom's hero was Laura. She read her books cover to cover. Beginning to end. Over and over. When I was three years old she read me the entire series, and every year after that until I married.
When I grew up, I began researching the real Laura. The woman. I read her articles and magazine writings. It was then I discovered how much more she had to share and give.

 "So much depends upon the homemakers. 

I sometimes wonder if they are so busy now with other 

things that they are forgetting the 

importance of this special work." 

- Laura Ingalls Wilder

Along with Laura, Louis L'Amour also has been in my life forever. My Dad had dozens of his books and before I could read I would spend hours looking at the cover. Dreaming and wondering. Making up stories that I imagined went with the picture. 

My Dad read me my very first when I was seven years old. From that day on I was hooked. I have now read dozens and dozens of his writings. His books aren't just stories. They are facts, history, and poetry all rolled into one. He taught me the love of writing and learning. As well as helping grow my love and fascination for the American West.

No one can "get" an education

for of necessity education is 

a continuing process. 

- Louis L'Amour

I love American History. 
I am sure you can tell from the fact above. Especially the days of the pioneer, cowboy, and mountain man. I can't tell you how much I dreamed of being one of those people in the past. The rugged and tough ones who helped build this great country. The sorrow and struggle they went through, for us.

I love music. But, old time music is the only way to go.
My siblings have since grown to enjoy more "modern" sounds in music. As for me, I just can't find a taste for it. To tell you the truth, it actually gives me anxiety. It's far to... loud. And with not much meaning.
No one writes music like they used to. The old cowboy songs that have stayed around for decades. The mountain music. That isn't to say I don't enjoy "newer" singers. In fact, my favorite female artist is Patty Loveless. But listen to her next to someone recording today. Just isn't the same. People could really sing back then.
I usually stick to old country and cowboy music. Go Rex! But, I also can enjoy the classics like Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, and Steve Lawrence.
Music is soothing. It's comfort. It gives you a feeling of joy and that all is right.

I love to cook.
If you follow me on other social medias, I am sure you have gathered this. I love finding new fun recipes that are easy but delicious.

I have anxiety.
Who doesn't? I mean, every one does I think.
I am extremely insecure about myself and what people think of me. Crowds make me nervous, and I almost die when it comes to city or freeway driving. My poor husband. I am trying to work on it though and not say, "babe. break. the light is red. they're stopped. break!" every two seconds.

I love Burgerville and Rocky's Pizza. 
'nuff said.

 I love the mountains. 
I crave the mountains. They help me breathe. Sooth my soul. Make me feel whole.
I grew up spending weekends on my Grandparent's ranch in the Oregon mountains. Those days, my friends, are some of the best days I have ever experienced. Fresh air. Sunshine. Dirt between my toes. Hair flying. Four wheelers. Life was good back then.


I've had braces.
I love researching and discovering baby names. 
I once had a crush on Peter Pan, the cartoon. 
I am addicted to Pringle's "Extra Hot Chili and Lime".
I love salt and vinegar.
I love food.
Mustard.
Pickles. 
Cinnamon Rolls. 
I don't like corn or Spaghetti. 
I have a terrible fear of heights and the ocean. 
I enjoy splitting and stacking wood. Hauling is another story. 
I dream of building my own little farm house nestled far in the mountains. 
I love, love, love, home decor and renovations. I dream of renovating an old home someday. 
I spend hours online looking at home renovations and decorating. 
I also watch cleaning videos. Yes, I literally watch people clean.
Puppies make me happy.
Snakes do not. 
Someday I want to have goats, chickens, and a dog named... C R O C K E T T. 
My husband is my best friend. 
I love my siblings to death.

 This is me. This is who I am. And that's okay.