Monday, January 7, 2019

twenty eighteen // a year gone by

H I G H L I G H T S 

became a mrs
moved 3,000 mile away 
the birth of three baby cousins
moved for the 2nd time to another apartment
turned 22 
celebrated our first Easter
legally changed my name 
got a drivers license and bank account
my sisters, aunts, and cousins came to visit
met Leah & Chrissa 
traveled home for a family reunion
celebrated our 2nd Thanksgiving together
traveled home for Christmas and New Years 
 Can you believe the new year has begun? A whole week ago, actually. Where or where has the time gone? Every year I sit back in awe. Time dashed by before I knew it. Yet when you look back, you realize just how far you traveled.

2018 was a a crazy year for me. Full of so many changes and lessons. My mind sometimes wonders how I ever made it through.
I wrote a total of five diary entries. F I V E. Not one single more. As you can see, it's been a hard year.

With the help of blog entries and photos I can look back and see what exactly did happen as I was scrambling to breathe.

J A N U A R Y 

The first month of the year. A whole new me. 
On January 20th I married my best friend and forever became a Mrs. It was a cold, wet and rainy day in the Pacific Northwest, but I really didn't notice. The day I had waited my whole life for had come. 
My wedding day. 
We spent the first night locally then the next day loaded up and headed to the ocean. We spent our honeymoon in the cutest little house on a sheep farm. Tucked on a little island in the great Columbia River. My, that was a fun week. We walked the streets of the nearby town, breathed the salty air, ate, and relaxed. 

Once our honeymoon was over we headed back to stay another week with my parents and siblings.

F E B R U A R Y 

The day I was dreading. February 3rd. The day I would board a plane and leave my world behind. Off to make a new one with my husband. 
I admit I took it pretty well. I was still giddy and excited about being married, and "floating high" on excitement. Still, I remember a heavy weight in my stomach as I watched my beloved mountains disappear below. 

We landed late and my uncle (and now brother-in-law) picked us up. I remember feeling cold, hungry, tired, and sad. 
We arrived to our tiny little apartment in a basement in the snow. My aunt, uncle, cousins, and Grandma had organized all of our boxes for us, made the bed, and had put the heater going so the nip would be out of the air. 
I took a much needed shower, put on some fresh pajama's, and we ordered take out for supper. 

I spent the next week unpacking, organizing, and adjusting to married life far from home. 

We did some hiking during this month as well as having a reception with Josiah's family. 

On February 12th cousins Chrissa Rae and Leah Celeste were born! Oh how I wanted to kiss those cheeks.


M A R C H 

 This month was very hard for me, emotionally. The "honeymoon stage" began to wear off and I became lonelier and lonelier. It was during this month we were told we had to move out in two weeks. We were devastated. Pack up and move, again? You can read about that time here
We had tried several times to get my drivers licenses, bank account, name changed, and it wasn't lining up. Everything was over lapping each other. Work was slow and Josiah wasn't bringing much money home. When we were told we had to leave, and soon, it was frightening. How? Where? We had little savings and everything available needed a large down payment on top of larger monthly ones. I felt so lost. 
But, God always comes through. My in-laws apartment opened up exactly when we needed it. We could move in as soon as the tenant was out and it was cleaned and painted. I wasn't to excited about it at first but once I began scrubbing and painting, I grew excited. It was larger than our first place, with more storage. Josiah would be working just below us, so I would have the truck to run errands. 
See, even when we feel as though all hope is lost, God truly knows what He's doing. 
We moved in at the end of March after a very long and tiring weekend. 

A P R I L 

In the month of April I began to adjust to yet another home. I unpacked, decorated, organized, and breathed. I spent my days cleaning, babysitting, and following Josiah around work. Easter came and it was my first with Josiah as well as my Dad's family. I was sad to not be able to join the large family dinner back home, but I handled it okay. 
I looked forward to the snow melt, spring, and the re opening of our favorite restaurant, Kimball's. 
Everything finally fell in to place and my name was changed! I opened a bank account and received my New Hampshire drivers license. 
I turned the big 2-2 while Josiah turned 2-4.

My birthday

Josiah's surprise birthday supper!

First Kimball's of the year!
M A Y 

Out went the snow and in came the heat! I wasn't so sure how I felt about this strange sticky air but I was grateful for sunshine. We spent a lot of our weekends fishing and exploring the woods around.
Two sisters and two aunts flew across the country to see lonely little me. Oh those were some happy days. Just being with those girls again did my heart good. I loved having them here, showing my home to them, and sharing this world. 
Josiah's sister married and I attended my first big gathering with my in-laws. 
A cousin also married during this trip (in June) and we attended that wedding as well. It was during this time I was finally able to meet, kiss, and snuggle Chrissa and Leah. 


J U N E 

More days were spent with my sisters and cousins, and it was during June that we attended the cousins wedding and I met Chrissa. 
We explored antique shops, sipped coffee, and ate ice cream. Josiah and I visited the Friendly Farm and our Goddaughter Leah was baptized. 
Eventually everyone headed back home and it was back to the day to day life


J U L Y 

This was a hard month. The beginning of many hard months to come. This was when I began to feel more and more lonely. Depressed. Confused. Lost. Alone.
I spent night after night crying on my husbands shoulder. Aching to go home. Fearing the future. Confused about why I was here. 
I grew angry. Angry at myself. Angry at God. I wanted my old life back. But I knew that was wrong, so I in turn lashed out at myself, in my mind. I became extremely insecure about my appearance. My heart. I felt as though I'd never be whole again. 
We began eating Trim Healthy Mama and that did help some. I lost weight and felt healthier all around. Still, I was sad. I hurt for home and I felt as though God had deserted me in a strange place. 
To top it off, my "puppy" back home grew old and passed away. That's when I really lost it. I have never cried so hard as I did that day.
The New England heat grew more and more unbearable. I couldn't stand the humidity and summer left a very miserable impression in my mind. I am not sure if it was because of where my heart was or I just simply don't like muggy air.
Josiah was amazing during all this. He encouraged me. Prayed for me. And most of all, he let me cry. 
We did some activities and he tried hard to help me feel better.
And even through all my pouting and complaining, God allowed us to be able to fly home for a short visit and family reunion. 

Echo <3

 A U G U S T 

Still in the Northwest, the beginning of August brought my family reunion. It felt so good to be home and I enjoyed every minute of it! 
Eventually of course, the time ended and we flew back to New Hampshire. It was so hard to leave and go back to a place where I had not felt okay. I grew anxious and my anxiety multiplied.
My days were spent cleaning weekly for my Grandma and babysitting occasionally, which helped me a lot. It gave me a feeling of worth and kids help your heart feel lighter, even if for just a short time. 
Slowly God began working in my heart, and I started trying to heal emotionally. 

S E P T E M B E R 

The month of healing. Slowly I started feeling human again. I cried a little less, and my anger slowly began to decline. I prayed more. 
We traveled back to the place where our relationship "all began" and celebrated two years. 
My Grandpa and Sue flew out and we spent many days with them. It was a blessed time and something I very much needed. 
We celebrated one year since we became engaged and attended my cousins wedding. 
The temps began to slowly go down and I watched anxiously for autumn. You can read my monthly update here

O C T O B E R 

My favorite month arrived and my heart began to feel lighter. My pain was easing inside and I started enjoying life again. God was working in me. Teaching me lessons and opening my eyes. 
I loved the crisp air and watching the leaves change colors. If only fall stayed around a little longer. 
We went to a local restaurant and I loved every second of it. I was some quality time with my best friend that I so dearly needed. 
As the leaves fell to the earth below, so did the weight on my shoulder. Slowly. But still they fell. 
I made pasty's to save money for our upcoming Christmas trip and we had our first snow. 

N O V E M B E R 

November came in crisp and beautiful. My heart ached for the mountains of home but the falling leaves and blue skies still did it some good. 
I did odd jobs on the side cleaning, cooking, and babysitting. Grandma flew to Florida at the end of the month and we house sat for the week. All the while saving money so we could have something for when we flew home in December for Christmas. 
Life kept on ticking by. We laughed and cried. Dated and ran errands. Hiked a little bit and I decorated for Christmas. 
We had a photo shoot with my cousin and took Christmas pictures and did some house painting for Josiah's sister. Those were some late nights! 
My first Thanksgiving away from home came on a 9* day covered in snow. We attended both of our families gatherings but I will admit that my heart was missing the faces and food across the country. 
All in all, it wasn't a bad Thanksgiving. 

Thanksgiving Day 

headed to the Somero Thanksgiving dinner

I went exploring one day out in the freezing cold at Grandma's while we house sat.

D E C E M B E R 

We were flying out in two weeks and I was so exited! I couldn't wait to get back home! It had been four months but felt like four years since I seen my family. 
I began preparing for when we left for two weeks, more so mentally than physically. Seeing what needed to be done and all. 
I did some more babysitting and cleaning and then finally, it was time to leave! 
We flew out on the 19th and spent the rest of December just breathing in that lovely PNW air. 
While we were there, a cousin and childhood friend had her baby girl!

Josiah made me a sign of the Ranch <3

Time to fly!

First sight of my mountain!

Emerald Rose

Finally got my Leah back!

Christmas Eve

My bro <3

Went on a date with Josiah! 

And then just like that, with the click of the clock, 2018 vanished forever. Never to be seen again. 

So many lessons learned in a year. Tears cried. Laughter filled. Aches, pains, and joys. 
2018 was a long, hard year for me. But a beautiful one too. I married the love of my life and started a life with him. And even though I still miss home, talk of going back, and pray that someday we will, I love our life. I love waking up beside him every day and going to sleep at night. Grocery shopping together and cooking him meals. Going to church. Living day by day. 

Yes, its been hard, but it's been beautiful. 

I learned:
Take one day at a time. 
God always knows whats best.
In His time.
Pray often. 
Let yourself feel. 
It's the little things. 

I have so much to be thankful for. 
I couldn't have asked for a better husband. Through all my good and bad he has been there for me. Wiping my tears and making me laugh. He can be one funny guy. *wink* He encourages me when I need it and always points me upward to Heaven. Reminding me that God is in control. Thank you, babe, for everything you do. 

For my parents and siblings. Even across the country they make me feel loved, needed, wanted, and special. I know I can always go to them when I need. I love their good mornings and good nights. Their little random conversations and facts that really don't make sense sometimes. (siblings). 
I don't know what I would do without them all. 

So may this new year be blessed. May I remember that God has always been in control and always will be. May I cry less and smile more. May I pray more and grumble less. 
Keep my eyes turned upward for that's what this is all about.

May you all know the same. 

H A P P Y   N E W   Y E A R


  1. Man this post made me cry. Tears of joy and happiness.:) Sad to have missed out on watching you grow in your marriage and watching you enjoy your dream come true! A whole year gone...and yet I still haven't seen your home:( Joy, to know Jesus has been with you and thankful God blessed you with a amazing husband!! I love you and miss you beyond words!!! <33

    1. I wish you could come see our little place soon!
      Love and miss you all too!! <33

  2. Love you Sister.

    *squeezes you*

  3. Nice to see an update from you!!

    The ranch...miss that place!

    The twins are so cute!

    I enjoyed playing Bananagrams while you were out here. *Wink* Don't like the picture you put with me at Carl's Jr, though. Haha!

    1. I miss it too! <3
      They are quite cute ;)

      That was fun! Sorry about the picture though *wink*