sentimental words // D E C E M B E R

Something was shining bright in the top of Laura's stocking. She squealed and jumped out of bed. So did Mary, but Laura beat her to the fireplace. And the shining thing was a glittering new tin cup.
Mary had one exactly like it.
These new tin cups were their very own. Now they each had a cup to drink out of. Laura jumped up and down and shouted and laughed, but Mary stood still and looked with shining eyes at her own tin cup.
Then they plunged their hands into the stocking again. And they pulled out two long, long sticks of candy. It was peppermint candy, striped red and white. They looked and looked at the beautiful candy, and Laura licked her stick, just one lick. But Mary was not so greedy. She didn't even take one lick of her stick.
Those stockings weren't empty yet. Mary and Laura pulled out two small packages. They unwrapped them, and each found a little heart-shaped cake. Over their delicate brown tops were sprinkled white sugar. The sparkling grains lay like tiny drifts of snow.

There had never been such a Christmas.

- Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder

Unique Blogger Award // T A G

I was tagged by a dear friend for the Unique Blogger award. You can read Shantelle's over at Between the Pages of this Bookish Life. Thank you for thinking of me!

Q U E S T I O N S

1. What are you passionate about? Tell us all about it! 

Are you sure you're ready for this? *laughs* 

My mother is passionate about many things, and I suppose some of her passions, or her strength in what she believes, was passed down to me. 

I am passionate about the Biblical roll of a wife. As well as the Biblical roll of a mother. A woman. What God created us for and what we were intended to do. 

Homeschooling. 

Modesty. 

American History.
Healthy eating habits. 

2. What is one of the best books, novel or nonfiction, that you've read in your lifetime? What is it you love about it? 

Heidi by Johanna Spyri. 

It was been so long since I read the unabridged and original Heidi but I still remember the warmth I felt as I did. It was such a sweet, simple story. Filled with lessons, heart felt emotions, and beautiful spiritual encouragement. It will always be one of my favorites.

No one seems to be able to write like that any more. Raw. Simple. Truth.

2. What is your favorite holiday? Why? 

Christmas. Always and forever, Christmas. 

As a little girl, the coming of Christmas was so exciting. The cold weather rolling in, with the occasional snow flurry. Oh the excitement you'd feel when you'd awaken to white tree tops. I'd hurry out of bed, awaken my sisters and we'd slip in to our house coats and slippers. Hurrying out doors to catch snow flakes on our tongues. 

Christmas songs sang through the rooms and Mother's baking filled the air. Christmas cookies to decorate and bowls of chocolate to lick. Lights, stockings, presents under the tree. 

Family gathering at Grandpa and Grandma's. Fire's in the stove and squeals of delight as Grandma poured out the Christmas candy. Ham, potatoes, and gravy galore. 

Gathering into one big room, Grandpa pulled out the Bible and gently read the Christmas story. 

 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

Luke 2:7 

Everything felt safe and warm. Christmas will forever hold the fondest memories of my childhood. The smell of pine, Grandma's twinkling eyes, and the taste of candy canes. 

everyone has a battle to fight

How many times have you said "Oh, I am doing great!" only to break down the very next day in despair? You feel as though you had lied to others, and yourself. You thought you were okay. When in reality, were you really? You begin to doubt yourself. Your feelings. Everything you believe in and stand for. Perhaps after all this time you actually don't know what is right any more. Then, through the darkness a light shines upon you.

He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me: 

for there were many with me. 

Psalm 55:18

Each person fights their own battles, every single day. Battles of fear. Anxiety. Depression. Trust. Hurt. Pain, physically and emotionally. 

for there were many with me. 

This past year has been a crazy ride for me. I became engaged, planned a wedding, married, and moved away from my home. The home I loved with every ounce of me. The home I had not wanted to leave. I ached for home. I questioned God for taking me so far away. I couldn't see why He did it. What was His plan? What did He want from me? What does He want from me?

Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me. Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be man that fight against me, O thou most High. 

Psalm 56:1-2

David wrote these words in a different time and place. But God allowed them to be recorded that His children may read them and understand. Understand that they are not alone. That every one has battles they must fight. Battles that they can not fight alone. 

I married my best friend. I have a place to call my own. I can cook my husband meals. Clean for him. Wash his clothes. I have someone to hold me when I am sad and laugh with me when I am happy. 

Yet, I wanted more. I know from the outside you may look and think "I'd give anything to be in your place. Married and content." But the sad truth is, I am still a human. Yes, my dream came true yet I still wasn't content. I believe we never will be. But, you know what? We shouldn't be.
We should be thankful and grateful for what we have. But we should not put our trust in it. 

This world is not my home. I'm just a passing through. My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue. The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door and I can't feel at home in this world anymore. 

The past two days were very hard for me. I was lonely. And with that came great anger. Anger that spilled out and caused me to fear. As I cried I remember saying, "I feel as though God has left me." 

I knew it was wrong to feel so much anger. I wanted to let it go. Yet, I didn't know how. I felt as though no matter how much I prayed, the anger still returned. I'd be okay for a while but it would find a way to creep back inside. 

If you know me personally, you know I thrive on others emotions. If someone is sad or stressed, so am I. I read people very easily and take on any emotion they are feeling. I want to make every thing okay but I know I can't. That then turns to fear and anxiety. 

 "Stop saying money! It's a filthy disgusting word!" 

- P.L Travers / Saving Mr. Banks

Amen to that, Mrs. Travers! 

Money has been, and has always been, my number one stress causer. 

Growing up, money wasn't something we had much of. I watched my parents struggle to pay the bills and put food on the table. As I said before, I thrive on others emotions. I could sense when things would get tighter and I would lay awake at night and worry. Why? It didn't fix anything. Yet, I still did it. I would feel guilt for not being able to do something about it. 

Despite that, my childhood memories are for the most part, happy ones. I had a great childhood. With loving parents and not so loving siblings. (Just kidding! We love each other, in a "sit on your head and annoy you" kind of way). Or perhaps I was just the annoying sibling? *shrugs*

My parents taught me to be thankful for what you have. Work hard and always put others before yourself. That money didn't matter. Love was all you needed to get through life. God always provided and He always will. 

I knew all this.

It wasn't until I married and took on my own bills that I realized how much I relied on the idea of having money. 

I worry a lot about tomorrow. I want my future children to have everything they need. To not worry weather or not we'll have food on the table. I want lots of land. A cute little farmhouse. A barn with animals. And little ones to run and play in the great outdoors. Loving and laughing with no hurts or fears. 

I wanted it so badly that I began focusing on how I could make that dream happen today. I didn't want to struggle so badly that I would stress when an unexpected expense would happen. 

Money. I need more money. 

I broke down and cried. Cried for all the dreams I have that are so out of reach. For fear that they never would happen. I would never get home. I would never have my little farm with toddlers and puppies. I was angry. So angry. I cried until my tears flowed no more before drifting off to sleep. 

The next morning I awoke to puffy eyes and needing to clean my Grandma's. I dabbed on some make-up, swallowed more tears, and made my way down the road. Then my heart began to open up and I prayed like I've never prayed before.

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Psalm 27:13-14

I poured my heart out on that cold winter morning. I told God about my anger. How I didn't understand His will. I told Him my worries and fears and dreams. I asked Him to help me lose that anger. To replace it with peace and joy. Oh how I long for peace. 

I told Him how I felt abandoned. As though my world as I had known it was crumbling beneath my feet. My church. My state. My family. My mind. 

And on that road He told me something. 

He told me that I had been putting my trust in something physical. Something that can't save my soul or come with me to Heaven. Only He is constant. Yesterday, today, and forever. 

Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength.

Isaiah 26:4

Everlasting. Eternity. Always. 

Money is not everything. Yes, it will pay the bills and buy nice things, but is that what life is about? Is that why God created this world? That we may have nice things for a short time? 

God has always provided. I have never gone without food on my table. Maybe it was a small amount. Perhaps it was the same thing you had for breakfast and lunch. But, it was food. It was there. It filled your belly and kept you happy. 

I was longing for stability. To live a life of no worries. But, that isn't life is it?

That's Heaven. 

There's a place in the clouds where the sun always shines. Where the love and the laughter grow wild on the vines. Where there ain't any heartache and there ain't any pain. There's a place in the clouds where it's never gonna rain. 

- Joey+Rory

I prayed and asked God to help me live for today. To have joy for my husband. We have no promise of tomorrow. I want to live today to the fullest. Enjoy this time of our marriage. Just us. Learning together. Loving each other. Growing in each other and growing in Grace. 

I thanked Him for my blessings. 

An amazing Christ filled family who loves me for me.

A loving relationship between myself and all of my siblings. I have learned that not everyone is blessed this way. My siblings are my best friends. All four of them. 

I thanked Him for the very first time for giving me eleven years with my Grandma. Eleven short, but beautiful years. He taught me so much through that strong woman. 

I thanked Him for making my dreams come true. I have a partner in life. The best partner. 

I thanked Him for dying on the cross for me. 

I have failed every moment of my life. And I will continue to fail Him. But through Grace I am saved. He has forgiven all my faults. 

He promises to never ever leave my side. 

Though I felt abandoned, I hadn't been. He was always there. Quietly waiting for me to call for help. He reached out His hand and told me, I have never left Thee.

I was putting my trust in this world. What I could see and feel with my hands. But all this is nothing. It could all disappear tomorrow. 

Christ is here to stay.

my best friend and I // Christmas photoshoot

Snow is swirling to the ground as I type these words. Winter has come to New England. How can this be? I am nervous about my first full winter here. Prayers would be appreciated as I get accustomed to living in a white world for a while.

Last week we did a photo shoot with a dear friend (and cousin) for some Christmas photos. I am glad we did it when we did, especially since it was a last minute thing! We made it before the snow came! Though it was extremely cold and all three of us almost turned in to a popsicle. *laughs*

She did an amazing job. I am so happy with how they turned out. Here are a few of my favorites:

how am I doing? // an emotional update

No, we do not have snow yet. This is an old photo.

My life may not be roses

But still I'm gonna be alright

Long as I got my Savior by my side

He freed me from the heavy chains 

That had bound my broken heart

Picked me up; gave me a brand new start

Now I'm on my way to Heaven

 On my way to Heaven

I'm on my way to Heaven

So I can't be staying long

- Dennis Quaid  

Hello, friends

Back in August I wrote a post about how I was doing emotionally and spiritually. You discovered I wasn't doing okay. I was having a very, very hard time. 

I realized today I haven't done a update on me in a long time. So, here it goes.

How am I doing? Truly doing? 

I am doing alright. I wrote about panic attacks I was beginning to have. Those, thankfully, have cut way back. A few times since then I have felt the heaviness in my chest and anxious crawling of my skin, but I have learned to take deep breaths as well as taking a lavender vitamin my Grandma gave me. I am not sure if that is what has helped, and have only felt the need to take them a few times, but it has been a lot better for sure. 

The tear episodes have cut way back (yay!) though they are not completely non existent. Instead of weekly it has become maybe two-three times a month. Phew. Good thing because my body was taking a toll on all that emotion physically. 

Recently I did wake my husband up in the night from crying out in my sleep. It was an odd dream though and honestly can not remember what was going on exactly. I just remember I was curled in a ball while someone tried to drag me away to somewhere I did not want to go. I was trying to cry for help with everything in me and began repeatably saying "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus" before I was woken up. I felt very afraid, but didn't have words to say what was the matter, for I did not exactly know. 

The heat has disappeared and cool weather has come. Let me tell you, I am thrilled. For with the cool weather also comes sunshine. I learned in the summer here, blue skies turn a more gray-white color from the humidity. And, rain happens often. 

Since the humidity has gone, the skies have turned blue and crisp. The leaves have fallen from the trees causing it to not feel so closed in and claustrophobic. I decided they should have more fall days and less summer. What do you think? Sound like a plan? *laughs* I wish. 

But, it does not feel like torture to stay inside my apartment any more. It is sometimes a little cold but I can bundle up. When summer was here all I could think about was a cold swimming pool. Fresh air. Oh please, fresh air. 

So fall, you're a dear. Thank you for your visit.  

I do still ache for home. For my family. For my mountain. I ache for them daily. But, the pain is not so sharp any more. I feel a little more human, though I still daily pray we will go home soon. 

In fact, we were able to purchase tickets to go home for Christmas! I am so excited! Though I will be missing Thanksgiving for the first time in my life, I am so grateful we can be there for my favorite time of the year. And for a full two weeks on top of it! 

  I know my home state is not perfect, but it is home. It still is in my heart.

Josiah and myself don't have many friends here, and both of us can get lonely or bored on the weekends. Especially Sunday's. Though, recently we have spent some Sunday's for lunch with a cousin or two of mine and that has been so refreshing. I did not realize how much I longed for female companionship until then. Still, I wish we had couples we felt relaxed and comfortable to be with. It would be nice when both of us had someone to visit at the same time. 

I still have my fears and thoughts. I still occasionally feel guilty for many things. Moving away from my family, not providing enough financially for my little family. Wishing I could help my parents and siblings out. I have always thought I had to be the fixer. Now that I am older, I realize how little I can fix, and how little I am in control. It's been hard for me to accept that, and to let God carry my worries and burdens, as well as my families. 

So, am I okay? Yes, I am. Am I completely okay? No. I still worry and ache and cry and fear. I still question and hurt and wonder. But, the pain has eased and slowly but surely I am coming out of that dark pit I was in. I still yearn for your prayers and I thank those who have not forgotten me. 

May God Bless you all.

sentimental words // N O V E M B E R

How many of you have seen the 1994 version of Louisa May Alcott's Little Women?
I absolutely loved that movie as a little girl. The music. The dresses. The songs. Everything.
One scene, even as a very young child, always without fail caused me to have a lump in my throat.

The scene where Jo says goodbye to Beth.

Beth - "If God wants me with Him there is none that will stop Him. I don't mind. I was never like the rest of you, making plans about the great things I'd do. I never saw myself as anything much. Not a great writer, like you."

Jo - "Oh Beth, I'm not a great writer."

Beth - "But you will be. Oh Jo, I've missed you so. Why does everyone want to go away? I love being home. But I don't like being left behind. Now I am the one going ahead. I am not afraid. I can be brave like you but I know I shall be homesick for you, even in Heaven."

Cue the music. Cue the tears.

sentimental words // O C T O B E R

Do you ever hear a hum that strikes a familiar feeling in you heart? Perhaps its a song. A worn out blanket. A smell.

I thought it may be fun each month to post something that is sentimental to me. In word form. Perhaps it will be a song. A poem. A quote. Or even just a little story.

This month we will start with an old "diddy" that I go way back with. I began playing it to myself and, to my great surprise, a lump came to my throat. How odd.

These words are from an old movie I grew up watching - Where the Red Fern Grows.
The movie itself is quite dear to me. But the song at the beginning? Enough to get your heart fluttering and the memories rolling.

In the Morning of My Life 

Andy Williams 

In the morning of my life I ran through the hills 

and the whippoorwills sang their songs just for me

and each brand new day was a sweet melody

 In the morning of my life we'd swim in the creek

playing hide and seek like the wind wild and free

and each brand new day was a sweet melody 

But now the world has grown so old

the songs have been sung

there's no one left for me to hold 

but all of my memories remain so young 

In the twilight of my life I dream of the hills

and the whippoorwills who once sang just for me

day is fading fast and now alas

the evening is near

girl baby names // old hollywood

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love baby names. I've always enjoyed reading through lists and lately I have been into watching videos on baby names. Sadly, usually the names are
#1 a family related name or #2 a name I don't really like.

I thought it might be fun to share my own ideas on baby names. Today we'll look at 10 girl names inspired from old Hollywood actresses.

1. Luana 
For 113 years, this name was not on the top 1,000 for precious little girls, according to the US Social Security records. First records began in 1943, but became the most popular in 1947 when 164 girls were given this name.
1940's actress Luana Patten gracefully brought this name to the screen starting as a very young girl. 
Today it is again no longer on the charts.
Considered of Hawaiian origins, Luana is said to mean Enjoyment. 
I personally would love to use this beautiful baby girl name someday!

2. Dale
Dale is most popularly used as a boy name though girls have been given it. One actress was not born with this name but later took it, using it until her death in 2001.
That was 1940's actress, Dale Evans Rogers.
Dale is German and means Valley.
Most popular for girls in 1952, it has since fallen far down the list. Still, I think it could be a very pretty name. How about Dale Elizabeth?

3. Beulah 
Beulah is a beautiful Hebrew word meaning married.

 Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shalt thy land any 

more be termed Desolate: but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, 

and thy land Beulah: for the LORD delighted in thee, 

and thy land shall be married. 

Isaiah 62:4

Actress Beulah Bondi brought this name to the screen during the 1930's.
It was most popular in 1904 when 983 baby girls were given this name. Today it does not reach the top 1,000.
I love how elegant this name sounds. Beulah Mae anyone?

4. Audrey
This elegant name is one of the more popular names of today. Of English origins, Audrey means Noble Strength.
Between 1900 and 2018, it was most popular in 2017 when 4,808 girls were given it at birth.
Actress Audrey Hepburn was very well known during her acting days and her face is still recognized by many today. 

5. Doris 
In 1929 this name was a huge hit. 16,496 babies were born bearing this name. With Greek origins, Doris is said to mean, Sea.
Actress Doris Day was very popular on the screen during the 1940's and is still active today. During the 1960's and 70's she even had her own TV show, The Doris Day Show.

6. Ginger
A delicious and healthy spice, Ginger can also be used as a unique baby name. A famous dancer and actress brought this name to fame starting as early as the 1920's, Ginger Rogers.
This name was most popular in 1971, but has since dropped in ratings.
Ginger is said to be of English origins meaning reddish orange color.

7. Rita
This name was quite popular starting in the early 1900's all the way to the 1960's, ranking the highest in 1930. Since then it has dropped dramatically low.
Rita Hayworth was a Hollywood actress who began acting in the 1930's. Usually, Rita is a nickname for other names, like Margarita (Rita Hayworth's birth name) but I find it can stand on its own quite well.
Rita is a Spanish name meaning Pearl.

8. Shirley
Not many of us can say we have never heard of the dimpled faced Shirley Temple. Born in 1928, she began her acting and dancing career at the tender age of three.
This name actually has a long history. Originally a surname, or commonly used and thought of as male, it eventually made its way to the feminine side. Charlotte Bronte made it popular for girls when she wrote the novel titled Shirley in 1849.
In the US, it was most popular in 1936.
Shirley in English means bright meadow while in Hebrew it has a meaning of song unto me or I have a song.

9. Maureen
Irish born Maureen O'Hara was born in 1920. She eventually became an American citizen and made many Hollywood pictures, including five with John Wayne.
An Irish name meaning Of the Sea or Bitter, it was most popular in the US during 1948. Today it is far off the charts.

10. Jean
Having been used for both girls and boys through the years, actress Jean Arthur brought the name to the stage during the silent film days before making her way to talkies.
In 1929 it was popular for girls while in 1928 it was popular for boys. Still, more girls than boys have been named Jean through the years.
From the English language Jean means God is Gracious.

What did you think of this list? Any names you like? Or wouldn't use? Learn anything new?

I love researching baby names, reading histories and meanings. Is this something you would be interested in reading more of?
Any other list ideas you'd like me to do?
Let me know!

pickity place // random photo shoot

On September 23, 2018, we celebrated our one year since we were engaged anniversary. (that's a mouth full isn't it?)
We wanted to go to a local cafe but realized we had waited to long to make reservations and would not be able to get in.
We made reservations for September 29th only to realize that was the day of my cousins wedding. Another phone call made yet another reservation for October 6th.
Finally, we were able to go.

If you don't know, "Pickity Place" is a local restaurant inside a very old little red house.
The neat thing is, Josiah's great-Grandma grew up in that house. It's also the little red house that was the inspiration for the original illustrations of "Little Red Riding Hood".

You get to choose your entree, other wise they serve only certain things each month. Fancy things that I would never order myself, but neat to try!

I love this man.

Chicken Francaise

Bourbon Pecan Pie a'la Mode

Creamy Onion with Pickled Shallots - this was not our favorite. Far to sour.

Autumn Slaw with Candied Walnuts

Spiced Tea

Cranberry Orange Ciabatta

After eating, we decided to go for a drive. The leaves are changing now and the weather was beautiful that day. Cold and crisp.
A stop at the town cemetery meant an impromptu photography session. We used my phone as this was not planned, but I think we got some neat pictures! Josiah is so good at figuring out lighting, set up, poses, and just being plain cute.

the things that make me different

Each person is different. Each has their own likes and dislikes. Convictions and dreams. Hopes and wishes. Each wants, laughs, and cries. Each are the same and yet each are unique.

I started this blog going on four years ago under another name. My blog's as well as my own.
I have grown and changed a lot since that first entry.

My dreams have grown. Some have come true. Some have changed.

I started this blog to open up. Share and feel. Perhaps it was a type of therapy for me. At the time I was a very lonely and searching (almost) nineteen year old. In some ways I still feel like that young girl while in other ways I feel ages older.

 I lived in five different homes since the start of this place. Three with my parents and siblings, two with my husband.
I've moved 3,000 miles away from the place I grew up. I left my loved ones behind and began a new life with my best friend. It's been an amazing, scary, exciting, exhausting and crazy ride.

I've learned to grieve. To cry. To allow my feelings to be felt.

Whenever I look back through the years, I feel as though I have lived several lifetimes. I have learned many lessons. Grieved lost loved ones. Lost homes.
Ached for the future and cried for the past.

Each person has their own struggles. Something inside and personal that no one can see or completely understand. But that doesn't make you strange. That makes you just simply that. You.

We're all beautifully unique in our own way. No one is better or worse.

Embrace who you are. Exactly the way God created you to be. 

I have been struggling. Wanting to be exactly like every one else. I want to fit in. Act the way they do. Look like them. I want to be liked so badly that I think I have to fix who I am. But you know what? I can't. 

I am me. I can't, and shouldn't, change that. God made me this way, and He loves me. I'm not perfect. I fail and stumble but that's okay. No one is perfect. 

As long as we remember one thing, we will be alright. 

I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior

- John Newton in the film "Amazing Grace"

Jesus loves me, this I know. He always has and He always will. I don't have to change who I am and try to be like someone else. He created me to be me. That's who I should be.That's who you should be.

My name is Felicity Marie.
- My name means happy or happiness.
- I am twenty-two years old. 
- I stand at 5'3 1/2 inches tall. 
- I have dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.
- I love Winnie-the-Pooh.
- I am the eldest of five children with three sisters and one brother. 
- I come from a very large family with hundreds of cousins (counting 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc)
- I married my best friend, Josiah, at the age of 21.  He was 23.
- We have been married for eight months. 
- I grew up in the Pacific Northwest but moved to my husband's birth place in New England.
- I dream of moving back home someday.

- I am weird
Now, that's a weird thing to say isn't it? But, alas, it is true. When I am behind closed doors, and no one scary can see, I am extremely odd. I dance jigs and make faces and sing along to old country songs. I make "un-lady like noises" and annoy people by sitting on their heads and poking them in the face. I like to laugh and smile and make people do the same.
I asked Josiah what kind of personality I am to which he said

"You're reserved and quiet in public but extremely goofy when you're at home. 

And when you're with your family you like to sit on peoples heads and fart."

Thank you hubby, the world needed to know that. *face plam*

- I hate and love clothes 
How is that possible? Oh believe me, it's possible. I love fashion. Browsing clothing stores online and dreaming of having enough money some day to purchase them. B U T, I also hate clothes. I am extremely, e x t r e m e l y  picky when it comes to the type of clothes I'll wear. Comfort is my number one thing. If I can't curl up and sleep in what I'm wearing, I nearly have a panic attack. I have literally cried my eyes out because I felt there had to be something wrong with me. Why can't I put on a pair of jeans and confidently walk out the door like everyone else? Why must everything be soft and loose?
For one thing, my legs physically hurt after wearing jeans. I am not sure if it' because I don't know how to buy the right size or what but they literally become inflamed and hot to the touch after a day of wearing them. (another thing. I have what I believe is poor circulation in my legs and live in almost constant pain from it) I think I really need to try finding a soft loose fitted jean. But, alas, you need money for that. Have you seen the prices of good quality jeans? *shocked face* Who has that kind of money laying around?
I am 5'3 1/2, 112 pounds, with a long torso and short legs. I like feminine, soft, and comfortable clothing. If any one has any suggestions on styles, stores, etc, please let me know! I am at such a loss.
That is why I wear my husbands T-shirts six days out of the week.

I am socially awkward. 
Believe me, I am. Even with old friends whom I hold so dear to my heart. If I find out I will be seeing them soon, I have a slight panic attack. I want to see them. But I equally want to hide in the corner of my bedroom and never come out.
I always enjoy it so much afterwards, but before I wouldn't mind at all if the meeting was canceled. 
I ache for companionship yet I am terrified of it.
I have my friends. My siblings, aunts, and cousins. They know me. Inside and out. Understand me. Love me.
I have a very hard time with the idea of making new friends. I can't imagine being myself with someone new. What would they think of me?
To those who can go out, visit new people, make new friends, I applaud you.
I haven't learned how to do it.
That isn't me. I'm not a social butterfly. I love who is in my life. I don't want anyone new.

I love family history.
How many of you have traced your ancestors generations back? Learning who you are and where you came from? Well, I have. It's something I am so fascinated by! My family tree is very large and comes from all corners of the world. My ancestors were Finnish, Swedish, Norwegian, German, Dutch, English, Irish, Scottish, and Native American Crow.
They came from all walks of life. Quakers, pioneers, Indian fighters, cowboys, governors, royalty, farmers and of course American Immigrants.
Together with my aunts we traced one side of our family to Royal England and even Jamestown.
When I married I decided to try researching my husbands family history. No offense, but it was rather boring. From what I can tell he is completely Finnish and his family actually hasn't been America that long.

I am a neat freak.
I admit it. I have a slight problem. But, believe me, I am so much better than I used to be! I love cleaning and organizing and making the house smell of cleaning products.
I know I go a little over board when everything like magnets on the fridge or stools against the table have to be perfectly straight.

Davy Crockett, Laura Ingalls Wilder, and Louis L'Amour for life.
These three people mean so much to me and really helped mold me to the person I am. If you have been following along on this blog for awhile, these three names should not be new to you. I have mentioned and quoted them many times.
Davy was my first crush. My first hero. He was tall, brave, and wise. He wore buckskins, a coon skin cap, and carried ole Betsy, his rifle. Next to "Jesus Loves Me" I have a feeling "The Ballad of Davy Crockett" was one of the very first songs I learned to sing.

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee, greenest state in the land of the free.

Raised in the woods so he knew every tree.

Kilt him bar when he was only three.

Davy, Davy Crockett, the buckskin pioneer. 

Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the wild frontier.  

Whenever I am lonely, I can just pop Davy into the DVD player and closing my eyes, I'm a little girl again.

Laura. What can I say about Laura? She has been in my life longer than I can remember.
As a little girl, my Mom's hero was Laura. She read her books cover to cover. Beginning to end. Over and over. When I was three years old she read me the entire series, and every year after that until I married.
When I grew up, I began researching the real Laura. The woman. I read her articles and magazine writings. It was then I discovered how much more she had to share and give.

 "So much depends upon the homemakers. 

I sometimes wonder if they are so busy now with other 

things that they are forgetting the 

importance of this special work." 

- Laura Ingalls Wilder

Along with Laura, Louis L'Amour also has been in my life forever. My Dad had dozens of his books and before I could read I would spend hours looking at the cover. Dreaming and wondering. Making up stories that I imagined went with the picture. 

My Dad read me my very first when I was seven years old. From that day on I was hooked. I have now read dozens and dozens of his writings. His books aren't just stories. They are facts, history, and poetry all rolled into one. He taught me the love of writing and learning. As well as helping grow my love and fascination for the American West.

No one can "get" an education

for of necessity education is 

a continuing process. 

- Louis L'Amour

I love American History. 
I am sure you can tell from the fact above. Especially the days of the pioneer, cowboy, and mountain man. I can't tell you how much I dreamed of being one of those people in the past. The rugged and tough ones who helped build this great country. The sorrow and struggle they went through, for us.

I love music. But, old time music is the only way to go.
My siblings have since grown to enjoy more "modern" sounds in music. As for me, I just can't find a taste for it. To tell you the truth, it actually gives me anxiety. It's far to... loud. And with not much meaning.
No one writes music like they used to. The old cowboy songs that have stayed around for decades. The mountain music. That isn't to say I don't enjoy "newer" singers. In fact, my favorite female artist is Patty Loveless. But listen to her next to someone recording today. Just isn't the same. People could really sing back then.
I usually stick to old country and cowboy music. Go Rex! But, I also can enjoy the classics like Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, and Steve Lawrence.
Music is soothing. It's comfort. It gives you a feeling of joy and that all is right.

I love to cook.
If you follow me on other social medias, I am sure you have gathered this. I love finding new fun recipes that are easy but delicious.

I have anxiety.
Who doesn't? I mean, every one does I think.
I am extremely insecure about myself and what people think of me. Crowds make me nervous, and I almost die when it comes to city or freeway driving. My poor husband. I am trying to work on it though and not say, "babe. break. the light is red. they're stopped. break!" every two seconds.

I love Burgerville and Rocky's Pizza. 
'nuff said.

 I love the mountains. 
I crave the mountains. They help me breathe. Sooth my soul. Make me feel whole.
I grew up spending weekends on my Grandparent's ranch in the Oregon mountains. Those days, my friends, are some of the best days I have ever experienced. Fresh air. Sunshine. Dirt between my toes. Hair flying. Four wheelers. Life was good back then.


I've had braces.
I love researching and discovering baby names. 
I once had a crush on Peter Pan, the cartoon. 
I am addicted to Pringle's "Extra Hot Chili and Lime".
I love salt and vinegar.
I love food.
Mustard.
Pickles. 
Cinnamon Rolls. 
I don't like corn or Spaghetti. 
I have a terrible fear of heights and the ocean. 
I enjoy splitting and stacking wood. Hauling is another story. 
I dream of building my own little farm house nestled far in the mountains. 
I love, love, love, home decor and renovations. I dream of renovating an old home someday. 
I spend hours online looking at home renovations and decorating. 
I also watch cleaning videos. Yes, I literally watch people clean.
Puppies make me happy.
Snakes do not. 
Someday I want to have goats, chickens, and a dog named... C R O C K E T T. 
My husband is my best friend. 
I love my siblings to death.

 This is me. This is who I am. And that's okay.

september // photo dump

I love to write, I love to read, but aside from that I like to go back to the mountains. I like to spend time reading wild country. Mountains or desert. 

There's corruption. There's crimes. There's all these things in the cities and all this turbulence and all this confusion and everything. You come back into the mountains. You can walk out there alone. And there is a great stillness around you. You can look out across great distances. Far distant peaks of mountains and clouds and everything and suddenly it smooths out all the wrinkles. You're at peace with the world. It gives you something. Refreshes your whole spirit. Makes you stronger. Makes you a better person. 

I like to go back to the mountains. 

- Louis L'Amour

With every word, Louis L'Amour can describe exactly how I feel. How I ache for the mountains and how I long to go back again. To feel that wind on my cheeks and to "breathe that mountain air". It truly does smooth out the wrinkles. It truly does refresh your soul. 

Yet another month has come to a close. Can you believe it? Already we are nearing the end of a year. (don't panic yet! We still have October, November, and December to get through)

Some  H I G H L I G H T S  from this month:

- my Grandpa, step-Grandma, and aunt flew here for a visit. We spent money lovely days with Grandpa&Sue and a fun breakfast date along with my aunt!

- we rejoiced that the summer heat drifted away. Cool crisp air took its place. 

- we remembered 9/11 

"never forget"

- Sunday outing with family.

- we celebrated our "one year since we became engaged". 

- hung out with an old friend and met her baby girl! 

- seen my Kirsten Jean!

- attended a cousins wedding. 

Now time for a photo dump!

E N J O Y

I bought my first home decor! Beautiful autumn colors.

Auntie Kristi

It was honestly pretty emotional for me to be with my auntie again. It had been nearly eleven years since I had seen her, until we both flew home for our family reunion in August. She is a link to my childhood and a life that has gone by.

I have been doing some experimenting lately with family recipes and converting them to sugar and gluten free. Some haven't been to bad. These are my attempt at Peanut Butter Cookies

Baked sugar cookies for my in-laws

Finally got our wedding photo printed!

Sunday outing with family.

Visiting the hubby while he printed shirts. I even helped a little *flexes muscles*

Meeting my dear friends baby girl, Audra

Shopping! I hadn't had a "girls day" in months. It felt good.

Our "one year since engagement" outing through the woods!

I love you.

Josiah build us a new cabinet and we painted our light fixture and bought new bulbs. I am happy! The light used to be a ugly silver with huge white round bulbs

just because he is to cute on Sunday mornings.

date night!

We stayed up late one night and build this sign as a wedding gift.

great-uncle and cousin

Kirsten Jean. Don't worry, its a cigar.

How was your September?